Is this it?

Advance Warning: Depressing Post Ahead!

Sorry guys I'm just feeling a bit down.  Had a really bad day yesterday.  It was my fiancé's first day back at work after the bank holiday and I guess I had got used to having him around.  I thought I could cope on my own in the house.  But that's not all, I started the day really happy, got up at 8:00 am (flippin' early for me), didn't eat until lunch but managed a walk to the pharmacy in the village to get my prescription back.  I went to see my mum after lunch, came back home to wash and style my hair, had a go on the wii fit and watched some telly.  My fiancé usually comes home at 6:10pm so I knew I didn't have long to wait until I could have dinner.  So why did I binge at 5.55pm?  Why do I do this to myself???  I won't even write what I ate, it's disgusting.

Then it all started...
"she's useless"
"waste of space"
"fat pig"
"she doesn't deserve to be happy"
(voices by the way)

And I just felt generally crap.  I had been looking forward to going to Taekwondo all week and I didn't go.

"she doesn't deserve to be happy"

Taekwondo makes me happy.  I have friends there.  I should have said sod it I'm going but I didn't.  I wasn't strong enough to go.  Now I have to explain to people why I wasn't there and I can't exactly come out and say "Yeah the voices told me not to come" or anything like that.
I didn't even care that I'd binged, it was the fact that I had been stopped from doing something I love by something that isn't even real.

Sometimes I really hate myself.
Sometimes.

Today will be better.  Today HAS to be better.