Meeting New People

I've been experimenting with templates as you may be able to tell...TODAY
Today was a sad day but also quite a good day.  As I said in an earlier post, my fiancé's grandad died last week and today was his funeral.  I hadn't known him long but I feel privelidged (sp?) that I met him.  I made vanilla cupcakes with icing and put a fruit pastille on the top of each one (his favourite sweets) - they went down really well, some people took some for their journey home.  It was nice to hear stories about his grandad from others and celebrate his life.  It still hasn't sunk in that I'll never see him again.
Of course, funeral = big family get-together.  There were so many new people there.  I was having kittens about it, really anxious that they were going to judge me or think I didn't deserve to be at the funeral or wake.  I can't remember most of the names but hey-ho.  I think I did ok, I felt like I didn't know where to stand during the wake, I spent plently of time getting in people's way and even choked on a chicken salad sandwich.  Basically, another awkward day for Allie.

TOMORROW
I am working in the ECT suite again.  It is SO rewarding to see people recover from some really dark places, I've never had ECT before or needed it but I have suffered severe mental distress so I can sort of identify with some of the patients.  I think I've become more aware of peoples' differing mental health needs and I hope that I can keep on working in mental health so I can help make a difference.

ANYWAY
My community treatment order (CTO) is due up for renewal soon, for those who don't know, a CTO means that you have special rules you have to follow (take monthly anti-psychotic depot, attend meetings with doctors/nurses/social workers) and if you don't comply, the doctor has the legal power to "recall" you to hospital.  I have a habit of stopping medication when I feel well, and that leads to relapse.  The last relapse I had was traumatic, not just for me but also for everyone else involved.  So, I have the decision to make as to whether I feel I can manage my own medication and health without the CTO forcing me to comply.  I'm going to have to do it myself at some point, but am I ready now?

Happy week everyone,
Allie x

PS
I have raised prolactin levels so my medication may be going down from 75mg every 3 weeks to 50mg every 4 weeks.  I hope I can still function on it, kinda nervous though